Monday Madness Fun and frolics on a Monday nothing useful to see here!
April 6th, 2009 by Towlie
So some fun stuff for Monday, Jokes funny pics and some great music.
So first up here’s a few jokes with quite a common punchline 
Enjoy I liked em.
AND THATS WHEN THE FIGHT STARTED…
My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?” “No,” she answered. I then said, “Is that your final answer?” She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.” So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”And that’s when the fight started….
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I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary?” It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.”Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.So I suggested, “How about the kitchen?” And that’s when the fight started….
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Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour.The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.’My loving wife of 10 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?’& And then the fight started…
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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Carling for £12.99.Instead, she bought a tub of icecream for £6.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started….
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A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’ The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’ And then the fight started…..
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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. “I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.” He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?” “Nah, she can order for herself.”And then the fight started…
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at my school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, ‘Do you know her?”Yes,’ I sighed, ‘She’s my old girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”My God!’ said my wife, ‘who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?’And then the fight started…
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After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver’s license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, ‘Unbutton your shirt.’ So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, ‘That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me’ and she processed my Social Security application.When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, ‘You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.’And then the fight started…
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, ‘I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.’ I bought her a scale. And then the fight started…
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.She asked, ‘What’s on the TV?’ I said, ‘Dust.’And then the fight started…
I heard my wife crying in the bathroom. “Honey? What’s wrong” I asked.
“Oh, George! Just look at me: I’m getting so old! I have more gray in my hair than blonde, I have varicose veins on both of my legs, and I’m just fat and wrinkled all over! I really need someone to say something positive about me right now!”
I looked deeply into her eyes and said softly: “Your vision’s real good, honey. That’s something, isn’t it?”
And that’s when the fight started….
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When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her some place expensive.
So I took her to a petrol station.
And that’s when the fight started….
I rear-ended a car this morning.
So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just
seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn’t believe it…. he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted, ‘I AM NOT
HAPPY!!!’
So, I looked down at him and said, ‘Well, then which one are you?’
And that’s how the fight started…..
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy Crap! That must be my husband!”
So the guy quickly jumped out of the bed, scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and then started to run as fast as he could to his car.
A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, “I AM your husband!”
The woman yelled back, “Yeah, well then, why were you running?”
And that, folks…………is how the fight started.
And now for some pics to reward you for all that reading 
And now for one of the best videos of last year By Fatboy slim
THE BPA – “TOE JAM” AND DAVID BYRNE & DIZZEE RASCAL
Also as I am feeling quite nice today I am including a video of rather good band I watched the other day despite coming down with a particular ferocious case of man Flu !
So here without further ado I present…
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